Solemnly, the Bible says in Philippians 2:12, “work out your salvation with fear and trembling.” Salvation has to be worked out. So also peace. You have a responsibility to work out peace for yourself and your family this year. Peace has to be worked out. You deliberately decide to give yourself peace of mind. In the midst of the troubles of life, in the midst of the turbulence of life, in the midst of the uncertainties of life, you must deliberately make up your mind that you will not allow anything to perturb you in any manner.

‘Work out your salvation.’ You must also work out your peace. You will always see situations that will challenge your peace of mind; you will always see circumstances that will challenge your peace of mind; you will always see people to challenge your peace of mind. But you must always resolve not to give in to any such temptation. Jesus said, ‘if they strike you on the one cheek, turn the second one too.’ I always teach people that if they seek your trouble, you must hide it! Every one can make trouble. There is no anybody who cannot make trouble. It is only the level of trouble making that differs from one person to another.

When they look for your trouble, hide your trouble behind you. Don’t let anyone see your trouble. We know that you can make trouble, but remember that Jesus could have dealt ruthlessly with those that sought to kill Him, but He hid His trouble, just to allow the will of God to come to pass.

Beloved, work out peace for yourself and your family this year 2012 and beyond. May God give you the grace that you need in Jesus’ name. Amen.

This is the concluding part of the teaching SEX, PEACE AND WAR IN MARRIAGE. If you maintain a balanced sexual schedule in your family, you are ensuring peace in your home and marriage.
Remember that only a united couple can be progressive. In the midst of endless squabbles and skirmishes there cannot be any meaningful progress. So, deliberately create peace for your family today by reaching a firm agreement, based on mutual understanding, with your spouse. But how exactly can we achieve this balanced sexual schedule?
Note this: Sexual desires and abilities differ from people to people. Even the husband and his wife can differ considerably wide in this aspect. So, what do we do? We need to feel for each other in the home. We need to understand with each other. Subsequently, we need to make some sacrifice here and there for each other, in order to achieve peace, instead of war.
The wife must shift grounds, and the husband must do the same thing. Both husband and wife must come to the centre. Take this example: The husband wants to make love to his wife five times a week, but the wife says ‘I can afford only twice a week.’
As a solution, to ensure peace and not war, the husband must be able to drop one or two, while the wife must be ready to take one or two more. So, with mutual agreement, from the five-day desire nursed by the husband and the two-day ability expressed by the wife, both can come to THRICE A WEEK!
Like this, there will be peace.
May the peace of God never elude your home in Jesus’ Name. Amen.

DIFFERENCES ARE NOT STRANGE

First and foremost, we need to understand that is is not a strange thing for misunderstandings and quarrels to occur in our families. This is because the man and the woman that are living together as husband and wife are two different people. It is true that the BIBLE says and we believe, that the two shall become one flesh. The reality of the situation, however, is that both the man and the woman that have constituted the family both have their differences one way or the other. In essence, therefore, every marriage situation is that of harmonizing certain differences to enable the two ;people involved to fulfill the plan and purpose of God for the home.

Let us consider some of the differences that often exist between husbands and their wives.

BELIEFS

Often there are differences in beliefs between husband and wife. By beliefs, I am not referring yet to religious beliefs – whether this one is a Christian while that is a Muslim. Rather, I mean convictions about life. That is, personal belief and opinion about life and what it entails, what you personally believe is normal or abnormal, right or wrong, good or bad, about life.

In this context, the practical truth is that what the husband may accept as an honourable way of life, the wife may frown at it, seeing it as totally unacceptable. What the wife believes is right, the husband may see it as wrong. These are personal convictions about issues of life.

For example, if their residence has enough space for such, the man may believe that a husband must have his separate room, while the wife has her separate room. On the other hand, the wife may have the deep conviction that, in a normal marital life, the husband and the wife must never have separate rooms.

This is the fourth part of the topic SEX, PEACE AND WAR IN MARRIAGE. Every couple needs to have sound understanding of the invaluable role of love-making in cementing the relationship between the husband and the wife. To beef up our understanding of this, let us discuss briefly the evil of sexual immorality.

The Bible says in I Corinthians 6:16, ‘Or do you not know that he who is joined to a harlot is one body with her? For “the two,” He says, “shall become one flesh.”’ The implication of this is that once a man and a woman sleep together in love-making, both of them have become joined together. You may remember that things were like this in the olden days. You know the case of Jacob. After labouring seven years in order to get a woman to marry, what was the marriage ceremony conducted? Simple, they just put the woman by his side in the night, and by morning (after having had sex with her), she had become his wife.

It is still the same in the spirit realm today. Once you sleep with a person that is not your spouse, you become joined together in marriage with such a person. This is in the spiritual realm – and such a spiritual wedlock, monitored by evil spirits, will be troubling the real marriage in the physical realm. This is one of the reasons why there is no peace in so many homes. It is because, in the spiritual realm, the husband (because of extra-marital affairs) has been joined to other women or the wife (because of extra-marital affairs) has been joined to other men.

How does this relate to what we are discussing? The point is that many spouses are pushed to have extra-marital relationships because they are denied sexual satisfaction at home. And once they are pushed to go outside, the result is disturbance of the peace of the marriage. This is why every partner must make it a point of duty to do the very best possible to meet the sexual yearning of his or her spouse.

One proven truth is that sex can be a very powerful source of peace between the husband and the wife. In this third part of the subject ‘SEX, PEACE AND WAR IN MARRIAGE,’ this is what we want to deal with.

The Bible charges every man to have a wife, and every woman a husband. This is to avoid sexual promiscuity. First Corinthians 7:2 says ‘But because of the desires of the flesh, let every man have his wife, and every woman her husband.’

This is to say that marriage is meant to stop sexual immorality by having a partner to satisfy your sexual urge. Do you know that every unsatisfied urge (especially a sexual one) is a serious burden to someone, whether man or woman? James 4:1 says, ‘What is the cause of wars and fighting among you? is it not in your desires which are at war in your bodies?’

Take note of the second part of that verse, which says ‘is it not in your desires which are at war in your bodies?’ O my God! That means desires are always at war inside our bodies. A man that nurses an unsatisfied sexual desire is facing a war inside his body, the same thing with the woman with an un-quenched thirst for love-making. Until that hunger to feel your partner body-to-body is satisfied, it is war inside.

At a time like this, matters that should not lead to disagreements lead to disagreements, then to full blown quarrels and even physical manhandling of each other by the couple! Once, however, that urge is satisfied, there is peace inside – and IT IS THE PEACE THAT IS INSIDE OF EITHER PARTNER THAT WILL SPILL OVER INTO THE MARRIAGE. This is the essence of fulfilling each other’s sexual urge in the family – IT BREEDS PEACE INSIDE OF YOU, AND SUBSEQUENTLY, INSIDE THE MARRIAGE, and eventually into the entire family.

There are two major reasons why sex often becomes a route to war and wrangling in the family. Number one is over-activity. That is when a spouse becomes too busy, becomes so busy that on return home at the end of the day, he or she is so fagged out that there is no any energy left to perform other vital functions, including seeing to the sexual satisfaction of the partner.
For this reason, it is simply imperative that a spouse should put in mind the necessities at home while performing the activities of the day. It is not ideal that the husband becomes so busy that when his wife needs his sexual attention in the night, he will be unable to attend to her. In like manner, no matter how busy the wife is during the day, it is mandatory for her to leave some allowance for the wifely responsibility on bed later in the night.
The second reason why sex leads to war in the family is misunderstanding. Once there is misunderstanding between a husband and his wife, one person tends to refuse the other as a punitive measure. This is not ideal. Some are fond of paying back their spouses with conjugal denial. A woman, for example, says her husband called her names or abused her; so tonight, if he approaches her, she will shun him off.
A man says his wife has refused to cook his food, so he will abandon her and seek sexual satisfaction from strange women outside. This is a dangerous game. Truly, quarrels are bound to happen. Any time there is any misunderstanding, the ideal thing is to put it behind us through amicable settlement and forge ahead with out lives. The truth is that it is only in an amicably peaceful atmosphere that there can be progress and prosperity.
Listen to what the Bible says in Isaiah 12:3, ‘Therefore with joy shall ye draw water out of the wells of salvation.’
A home where there is constant misunderstanding will suffer lack of progress. On the other hand, a home that is always at peace will experience positive change of fortunes rapidly. This is why we must deliberately watch out against every form of disagreement or misunderstanding, whether arising from sexual matters or other sources.

Joseph was a youth. The Bible chronicles his encounters as a child and, later, as a youth. Genesis chapter 39-41 has this account. As a child, he had dreams of how great he would become. First, he dreamt that the sheaves of his corn stood up and straight unlike those of his brothers. Secondly, he dreamt that the sun (his father), the moon (his mother) and all the stars (his brothers) bowed down to him. These dreams meant that he would be greater than all of them.

Do you know that every dream has equal chances of either failing or coming to pass? It is a matter of how the owner of the dream handles the dream and matters relating to it. Every great dream must pass through rigorous test before coming into reality. Joseph had great dreams, and, so, he faced great tests.

His greatest test, however, was the sexual temptation that he was confronted with by the wife of Portiphar, his owner and master in Egypt. Joseph was a handsome young man, a teenager indeed. The wife of his master tried to lure him to go to bed with him, but he insisted on preserving his integrity and chastity. He refused to succumb to pressure from the woman. He refused violently! That is by wriggling himself free from the seducer, running away and leaving behind his garment.

The Holy Spirit of God wants you, as a youth, to know and understand that Joseph’s success at that temptation was majorly the reason he was able to fulfill his dream/destiny. If he had fallen for that temptation, and had sexual relations with Portiphar’s wife, he would have been finished. Portiphar might NEVER have discovered the sin, if Joseph had committed it, and the entire kingdom of Egypt might NEVER have discovered it too. It would have been an efficacious spiritual arrow against his dream fulfilment.

Resist that temptation today. Don’t fall for it. It will ruin your destiny. Don’t let the pleasure of a few minutes destroy the whole course of destiny for you. When the right time comes, that is when you are married and become legitimately qualified to sleep with a woman, you will do it as often as you want. You will even soon become tired of it! Ask the people that have been there for years, for decades.

GOD BLESS YOU.

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Pastor Isaac and Pastor (Mrs) Dorcas, after a teaching session at the POWER SLEDGE 2009 youths programme.

Psalm 11:3 asks a solemn question: IF THE FOUNDATIONS BE DESTROYED, WHAT CAN THE RIGHTEOUS DO? This is a rhetorical question – a question that does not necessarily call for any answer, but the answer is manifest. That is to say that if we were to re-phrase the verse above, it would go like this: IF THE FOUNDATIONS ARE DESTROYED, THERE IS NOTHING THE RIGHTEOUS CAN DO ABOUT IT.

Friend, I believe you know that the foundation of the family is not laid just on the wedding day. No! The foundation of the family goes far back down to our lives as bachelors and spinsters. Majority of the problems people encounter in their marital homes later in life have their roots in what they did as single people.

One of the most stubborn sources of problems confronting married people in their homes is the sin of fornication. The Bible tells us that the sin of fornication is first and foremost against your own body (that is, against your own life, your own glory, your own destiny), even before it is against God – I Corinthians 6:18. When you sleep with a partner that is not your spouse, you have committed a sin of fornication, and every such sin is somewhere in the spiritual realm waiting for you.

Later, in your marital home, more especially if that person you have slept with is not the one you eventually get married to, serious problems will set in. There is what is called SOUL-TIE BOND. Once you sleep with a man/woman that is not your spouse, you have become married to him/her in the spiritual realm. And when you now get married physically later, that spiritual wedlock (which you had contracted through fornication) will still be in place, and the spirit behind it will now be haunting your life and your home.

In the biblical calculation (I Corinthians 6:16), if you have sex with anybody, you have become married to that person, whether you know/like it or not. Remember when Jacob had completed his labour to marry Rachel, they just got her to lie down with him, and once he made love to her, he had married her. Read Genesis 29.

This is the common source of problems like barrenness, stagnation, disappointments, lingering poverty, restlessness, broken home and even death! Do you now see something? It is most profitable for your destiny fulfillment to preserve your sexual chastity, protect your moral integrity and uphold your youthful dignity by keeping yourself intact until you enter your marital home?

(to be continued)

SEX, PEACE AND WAR IN THE MARRIAGE (Part 1)

Essence of discussion: People normally shy away from discussing matters of sex in the marriage. This is wrong. We must not pretend about it. Sexual matters must be discussed on a regular basis, if there is to be peace in the family. Depending on how they are handled, sex and issues relating to it will bring either peace or war to the marriage.

Sex as a source of war: Two greatest sources of war in the family are MONEY and SEX. If these two are put together on the scale, sex weighs more than money as a source of discord and scattering in the home.

Several years ago, when I was in the employment of Daily Times Group of Newspapers, a tabloid in the fold, known as Lagos Weekend, always reported large numbers of divorce cases. A great percentage of such were occasioned by matters relating to sexual matters – denial, deprivation, frustration by one partner.

Put an end to that sex war today! Friend, there must not be any war in your family because of sex. The Bible has an answer to it: It charges the husband to fulfill his conjugal responsibilities to his wife and the wife to do the same. Neither should deny the other sexual satisfaction.

Where, however, there is so much difference in the appetites of both, the instrument of dialogue should be patiently employed to bring about an amicable settlement. Both parties must shift grounds. The husband must move from his extreme end, and the wife the same thing, and both of them come to a central point.

(To be continued)

My beloved friend, I have the utmost pleasure to warmly welcome you to this site where Jehovah Shalom, the God of Peace, will reach out to you on a daily basis to bring to your life and home the peace that has so long eluded you.

My name is Isaac Iyere Ben-Seth. I am from Auchi, a traditionally and predominantly religious city in the northern part of Edo State, Nigeria, West Africa. By the special grace of God, I am your set man on this site and we shall be sharing together various tips and hints on how your home will be not only peaceful but also prosperous, since only in an atmosphere of peace can prosperity be attained.

Friend, it is true that I am a Christian Minister, but beneficiaries of the hints and tips that the All-Wise God will be releasing to us will cut across all religious, tribal and class barriers. Therefore, let your mind be at rest as we flow together on this journey.

It is totally against the plan and purpose of God for you not to enjoy. The truth of the matter, however, is that many are only ENDURING their homes instead of ENJOYING. That must stop! As a parent or as a child, what you need to do to make your home a peace zone, God will be releasing to you through this site.

Once again, welcome. Thank you and God you.

Isaac Iyere Ben-Seth